Insomnia

It's 2 quiet n here. Or r my thoughts too loud? Crazy. I didn't know anything was on my mind until I couldn't rest.

Sober.

I've been drowning my sorrows in great wine & fun times but I've never been a great swimmer. Hard 2 stay afloat while trying to only kill parts of me.

Priding myself on introspection, I think it's time 2 figure out the cause of these recent nights of insomnia. I would blame it on the alcohol but I haven't got the gal to not take psychological responsibility 4 each & everything I do (or don't 4 that matter).

As of late, I find myself caring less and less abt things I used 2 find so meaningful. Like social status. The acceptance of my peers. My peers acceptance of my choices. Feeling obligated 2 make every1 happy. Hmph, as of late, it's truly been abt me.

Well, it's kinda always been abt me but the point is, now it's all abt me w/out really being @ the expense of others.

For instance, it is 246am. I am not n bed alone. & yet I'm clicking away intensely on this g1, probably disturbing the hell out of my bedmate. Usually, ths conversation would've bn n my head. Then I'd stare into the blankness of the ceiling, only 2 c the nothingness n my head. When I can't write, I can't think.

What was I talkn abt again? Mostly nothing. Honestly. I think I'm just annoyed w/the amount of selfishness I've put up w/n my life & I finally understand why I did it. I don't like it. I would say I lost time but I gained wisdom so I guess it evens out.

I miss crazy nights but wouldn't trade this warm bed for the world. (Totally random....2 any1 that's not me I guess.)

And in rereading this, I'm so full of hypocrisy & contradictions, I sicken myself. Well, not really. I jst noticed it & didn't think I should leave it to any1 else 2 point it out. Great lesson from my man Eminem.

I don't kno what my point was or where this was going or if that place was meaningful. But I needed this obviously bc now I'm ready 2 sleep.

Write or die.