I think monkeys are cute....

I have some of my most profound thoughts while pooping. Like my thoughts are metaphorically the shit. I dump out some waste but occasionally there is the unmistakable vital nutrient that I was too busy bullshitting to absorb. For instance, amongst the spam and forwards known as my email box, I came across this picture, shook my head, and proceeded to delete. But taking my evening dump this picture floated across my mind again and I gave myself the evil eye for not paying closer attention.

A Barnes & Noble in Coral Gables, Florida had a display honoring President Obama. In the center of the display? A book titled Monkeys. Surrounding the monkey book were books boasting President Obama and crew's delicious faces.

Sitting there patiently waiting, I silently screamed that I would take this opportunity to fulfill my destiny: to tinkle alllll over the self-help section of a chain bookstore (making sure to miss Suze Orman's Young, Broke, and Fabulous since it clearly has changed my life). But after further research I found that B&N had nothing to do with the scandal…..


Official statement from Barnes & Noble, Inc.:

Barnes & Noble would like to publicly apologize for what happened in our Coral Gables, Florida store. We believe that a customer played a cruel joke and placed an inappropriate title in the front window of our store, where we were featuring books written by or about President Obama. We want to assure our customers that the book placed by someone other than our booksellers was never intended to be included in our display and was removed as soon as we became aware of the situation. We are looking into it and are taking the steps necessary so that it does not happen again. From time to time customers will move titles from one area of the store to another. In this particular case, we do not condone whatever message may have been intended with the placement of this title in our Presidential display. It certainly was not part of our merchandising and we regret that we didn't see the placement of this title immediately.

Mary Ellen Keating, Spokesperson
Barnes & Noble, Inc.


You win this time B&N. But I will be waiting to fulfill my destiny!

Oops...She Lied

So for those of you just as pissed as I am with this alleged season finale, here's the first in a string of desperate attempts to keep us guessing on who killed Jenny. Instead of just telling us, we must endure these short clips of interrogations. Tina's up first.

1 is the magic number

although ive been single now 4 several months, im only 2 months into this "single for 09" thing.i kinda like it.i never understood b4 y people would choose 2 b single when thr are so many lovely ladies deserving of good loving. it wasnt until today that i realized i was wrong. most of them dont deserve good loving, at least not from me. in the psychotic way they feel they own me and can dictate my actions i should see that they are undeserving. the annoying tone they use when they question my whereabouts and need minute by minute details of my gps coordinates puts it all out on the table: u dont want me 2 love u. u want to dictate the way i show my love. its these brief moments in my life where i feel that i kno every answer 2 every question i havent even asked yet.

dumpin u

sometimes, to help myself sleep at night, I think of you. the way u used to make me feel. the way i hope u still do. i think about all the things that we said. all the beliefs we thought we shared. all the kissing. reminiscing. the cute way you looked at me when u spoiled me. i think of the beautiful energy we created and how it became this putrid love affair. how seeing u makes me dizzy and forces bile from my soul. how much u disgust me with ur sheer existence. i think of the masses that are completely misguided and blinded by ur manipulative rhetoric. i think of how until 5 seconds ago i'd almost completely forgotten that u existed until i sat here on this toilet and this one little piece of shit jst would not come out no matter how hard i pushed. u r that piece of shit taunting me. but i have a fleet. i always win.