Thoughts in Staccato (is that how u spell that???)

Comfortable silence initiated, I sit & think of my fears. Wonder if I've overcome them or simply ignored them into invisibility.

Probably the latter.

Nonetheless, I walk fearlessly amongst monsters & demons, escaping their taunts, forgetting their promises. All I need is me. All I've got is you.

I wake most mornings deciphering slumber's cryptic code, never understanding the message until dreamt secrets expose themselves in reality.

Most days I write & don't understand myself. Who I am is slowly slipping away. Who I am becoming is on the horizon.

Ummm abt ur last drink....

U ever been so blown u just couldn't even understand how u got urself n2 the situation that got u there?

4 instance, this bitch is telln me I'm supposed 2 accept how her friend speaks 2 me bc....well, jst bc. Ummmm Dear Bitch, kill yourself. Sincerely, me bitch.

Wtf? No hun. I'm not sure where they do that @ but that's not how we do it over here. Respect is respect sweetheart. If u expect anything less bc of location, read the two aforementioned statements. In order.

But what confuses me is how I got here. How did a conversation of me bn nosy lead 2 me having 2 explain why I should be respected, regardless of whr I rest my head (& pay rent)?

To further things, I'm being told, as an example, that if I disrespect someone in their house, I should b ok w/them disrespecting me. So, the more sober of said conversationalists, I ask, "when did I ever disrespect her?" Instead of answers, I'm approached with .... well, no answers.

I don't disrespect people, in or out of my house. Furthermore, as a Piscean, I understand & accept many people. Most people can't see thru the murky waters of deception but ummm yeah. That shit don't work on me. This river runs deep and I'm just the fish to swim in it. B real w/urself so that others may know the truth. But me.... I dnt care how fake or phoney u r, I'll always know the truth.

My point, as many of them as I have, is, I hate when people try 2 make a point, only by saying, "well, it is what it is & u just have 2 accept it."

No.

No1 ever HAS 2 accept anything. Ever. The sooner we realize this as a people the sooner we can open our minds 2 accept different points of view. For instance, I understand this basic bitch thinks its ok 2 b disrespectful in the confines of her house to people that don't live there. That's fine. But understand the consequences of ur actions honey. I don't bow down 2 anything I can see & bitch ur clearly visible inside & out of ur house.

Get ur shit 2gether. I'm not the 1. In real life tho.

I'm tired of typin abt this shit. Todelou.

Insomnia

It's 2 quiet n here. Or r my thoughts too loud? Crazy. I didn't know anything was on my mind until I couldn't rest.

Sober.

I've been drowning my sorrows in great wine & fun times but I've never been a great swimmer. Hard 2 stay afloat while trying to only kill parts of me.

Priding myself on introspection, I think it's time 2 figure out the cause of these recent nights of insomnia. I would blame it on the alcohol but I haven't got the gal to not take psychological responsibility 4 each & everything I do (or don't 4 that matter).

As of late, I find myself caring less and less abt things I used 2 find so meaningful. Like social status. The acceptance of my peers. My peers acceptance of my choices. Feeling obligated 2 make every1 happy. Hmph, as of late, it's truly been abt me.

Well, it's kinda always been abt me but the point is, now it's all abt me w/out really being @ the expense of others.

For instance, it is 246am. I am not n bed alone. & yet I'm clicking away intensely on this g1, probably disturbing the hell out of my bedmate. Usually, ths conversation would've bn n my head. Then I'd stare into the blankness of the ceiling, only 2 c the nothingness n my head. When I can't write, I can't think.

What was I talkn abt again? Mostly nothing. Honestly. I think I'm just annoyed w/the amount of selfishness I've put up w/n my life & I finally understand why I did it. I don't like it. I would say I lost time but I gained wisdom so I guess it evens out.

I miss crazy nights but wouldn't trade this warm bed for the world. (Totally random....2 any1 that's not me I guess.)

And in rereading this, I'm so full of hypocrisy & contradictions, I sicken myself. Well, not really. I jst noticed it & didn't think I should leave it to any1 else 2 point it out. Great lesson from my man Eminem.

I don't kno what my point was or where this was going or if that place was meaningful. But I needed this obviously bc now I'm ready 2 sleep.

Write or die.