Tuesday, December 9th, 2008 (email excerpt)

{damn it's crazy I wrote this almost 3 years ago.....how so many things have changed and practically everything has stayed the same}

I think the problem with most people is that they don't recognize that "real", "gangsta", "boughetto" (pronounced boo-zchet-oh. I've never ever claimed being ghetto.) and "respectable" can co-exist, especially when you set your own standards (like I do) of what it means to be respectable. I believe being respectable starts from and ends with being true to self. If that means I have to slap a bitch, then I will slap a bitch and feel no less or better of a person because of it. If that means I need to write a 35 page dissertation on the commonalities of ancient Kemetic laws and today's inner-city street code of conduct, then I will write that and feel no less or better of a person because of it. The fact of the matter is they are both me, intrinsically entwined. I am living proof. I can go to a gala then change clothes and head to the club seamlessly. Most people like that about me because I'm true to self, not to stereotypes or cliches (as you seem to think). I am multi-faceted and refuse to ignore any parts of me because they may conflict with you (the literal you and the collective you) or what you want to believe to be true. I am always unapologetically me. Furthermore, I've come to recognize that when people only see the bad in your idiosyncrasies, it's because they only see the bad in themselves. So I learned a long time ago never to take it to heart when people don't get me because there are plenty more that love me for who I really am.

PS

I like my dream state. Some flowers are sweet like lollipops, the streams are crystal clear, and the trees hug back when you don't litter. I dreamt my way out the hood, outta high school, to a bachelor's degree, on a cruise, towards a masters, (and now) towards getting published, and plan to continue pretty much through life since it's a tried and true method. I dreamt for each of those things to happen and I'll be damned: they did. I have big dreams. I am invincible in my dreams. I always win in my dreams. I always have it in my dreams because I believe in my dreams. My dreams are not make believe. That's the difference between you and me. Dreaming isn't a state of rest or relaxation for me. It's the place where my ideas and wants transform into goals with detailed plans and haves.