No but really...

I know I talk trash about shawty looking a lil brighter than black but I REALLY DID think she was some random white chick singing country last night. The volume was on mute and my legs were....ummm I mean I was a little preoccupied at the moment so I just happened to glance over while I was changing....where I was sitting and ahhhhraahhhhh yeah.

But she doesn't look all that light in this pic tho. I'm on the hunt to find something brighter. Meanwhile, from the lil tidbit I heard on the news this morning, she sounded pretty damn amazing.

No, I will not comment on Aretha. She's a legend. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Just a little more randomosity via Shamblesville.

Love in Limbo

The thing about newness is it's hard to stay new
Hard to stay fresh without looking used
Hard to stay me and add pieces of you
Hard to glow purple without some blues


I think my biggest fear isn't myself anymore. It's commitment, devotion, trusting that someone will do for me what I'd do for them. Going through all the motions just to find that the actions, feelings, thoughts, words, desires, needs weren't reciprocated. It's like this intense urge to know everything knowing full well that it's impossible. Wish I could fast forward into those 20 years and see what we've become. Impossible. So instead I just press play with half speed.

Right now, I am not following my heart. Or my pussy. I'm listening to personality #1, the rational chick. Ms. Know-it-all. She's even digging you with optimistically cautious open arms. But what does that mean??? Do I just let life be? Do what I want and say what I mean? No is her response because it's too soon. Then #2, the lover, chimes in and explains that matters of the heart have no sense of time.

Not falling in love with you is becoming a struggle I don't want to fight anymore.

25 Depictions of Lyrikk's Randomosity via Shamblesville

Taken from facebook.........
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1. My ultimate goal is to write non-fiction articles and books about my life since I'm so interesting. I think other people would relate. People like to feel like they aren't the only one so I think it'll work out.

2. My non superficial biggest fear is to wake up and realize that all the people I thought loved me never really gave a damn. Superficially, I'm afraid of being excessively fat.

3. I like to write because I can be honest and people call it art (when I speak honestly people call me a mean asshole).

4. I think people who have anal sex are cool.

5. I am secretly in love with all my friends in a (mostly) non-sexual way. I admire each of them for something different and sometimes wish I could live in their head for an hour a year and write down their thoughts.

6. I was very shy growing up. To overcome this shyness I imagine I have sex with every female I meet. So that's not real confidence or cocky-tude you see when I speak. It's me thinking I've just given you the best orgasm of your life. And I think you sharted.

7. I am extremely paranoid.

8. I have a very bright clock in my bedroom because I am afraid of the dark.

9. I hate spending my own money.

10. James Baldwin is my hero. In addition to be very literary, he cursed in his writing and still got props. I'm working towards that. My goal is to write so well that when I say 'shit' you'll find it quite possibly so realistically like me (poignant yet still gangsta) that you'll hear my voice as you read.

11. I think middle class people are mildly retarded....mostly. And wealthy people are brain dead....completely. This is only in regards to reality and life.

12. I have key phrases that include, but are not limited to, 'meanwhile', 'in real life tho', 'ooo chile', 'guuurrrrrl', 'kill yaself', 'can we talk about it?', and 'take 2 shots of bleach and go to sleep. If u still wake up n the mornn then bitch just kill yaself'.

13. Number 12 is 1 of many reasons why (& yes I have been sayin this for the last 5 or 6 years but it hasn't happened yet so I will repeat it) a video camera should follow me and my friends around. Famous people always have catch-phrases that people can repeat and put on t-shirts. Club night minimum is 3 cameras. (From all angles right jess???)

14. I dance in mirrors 2 escape. For further explanation, please see lyrikksnotes.blogspot.com (shameless plug 1). I also secretly wanna be a personal stripper for some rich black dudes wife.

15. I blog because I secretly want to be famous for my sense of humor and eloquent rhetoric. For further explanation, please see lyrikksnotes.blogspot.com (shameless plug 2).

16. I just found out today that Ana is a copy editor and I secretly hate her for it (I love editing!).

17. 'Secretly' is on the list of "Lyrikk's Catch-phrases".

18. I am easily pleased. All you have to do is everything I want. And, yes, I am very spoiled. I pout and whine (not exactly in that order) and my biggest pet peeve is when people want to spoil me but fight the urge just to try to break my whining and pouting. O, and people that tap me annoy me, too.

19. Small things, like getting me juice after sex, make me feel special.

20. I have such vivid dreams that I find it hard sometimes to tell whether something really happened in real life or not.

21. I hate when people have the wrong impression about who I am based on one situation or what they heard about me. If you really wanna kno, experience me in the raw

22. I believe in reincarnation. Probably because I feel like I'm too important to only live once. Plus I've got a lot to learn. This lifetime's lesson: how love, honesty, and integrity effect everything.

23. I believe masturbation is essential to self-love.

24. I lack will power when I am bored or drunk.

25. I love people. The more unlike me, the better.

Hi. My name is Lyrikk and I dance in mirrors.

This is where I escape the hers and the shes, the lies and the lust. This is where I go to get away from my own morbid reality of hysteria and confusion. So when u see me dancing in the mirror ogling myself, it’s not via conceit or arrogance or annoyance at watching you have all the fun sweating away to the new bullshit labeled music. It’s me imagining I’m someplace warmer, brighter, quieter, or just other than here.

The mirror is my escape from everything and everyone.

The swivel of my hips become the hypnotizing ride to Noplace Land, where I rule on high and you simple plebeians cower in my shadow (or perhaps we laugh and rejoice together. Depends on my mood). Where the hers aren’t jealous of the shes and the lies make the lust that much sweatier.

When you see me tilt my head just so I can look at my own ass jiggle, it’s not because I’m vain or cocky or because you can’t shake yours like me. It’s me imagining that those waves are gonna wash over my face at any moment and rinse away my makeup. And the salt stinging the corners of my eyes aren’t from beads of sweat but from years of pure water smashing into rocks, creating the perfect mix for a gentle emollient.

Yes, when you see me in the club sweetie just know that I’m not there to steal your girl or make you hate me or to hate on you or to dance for an audience or to meet new hers or to entice all the shes. I’m there on vacation from my home in Le Shamblesville and I’d appreciate it if you gave me fifty feet.

And yes bitch.

I will measure it.

And so, it is written.

So for the last 14 days I've told myself that I'm going to post a blog. Going to post a blog. Going to post a blog. And yet, all I did was post a video. A funny video at that. Nothing thought provoking. Nothing to evoke emotion. And so, here I am now finally upholding my end of the bargain. Though I have been cursed out via text, email, phone call, and face slap (in real life tho), nothing has pushed me over the edge to write anything.

Until last night.

I got a voicemail, a voicemail I will not transcribe but will, however, explain the effects of in great detail. In this voicemail, raw news played its music for me. Things I’ve heard before but never listened/danced to for their lack of rhythm (since they were so encapsulated in anger and hate). But these words were born from the love for me one of the most loyal people I’ve ever met (at least loyal to me) has. She explained how my selfish behavior was beginning to take a toll on not only our relationship with each other but on my ability to stay constantly aware of the effects of my actions on this lifetime.

I believe this lifetime is to teach me the importance of love, honesty, integrity, and loyalty. How each of those things entwine to create a perfect love free of inhibition and full of trust. I had that love once but it is no more. Slowly dissipated because of life's trivialities. But I still believe it’s possible to love like that again. And that’s when I realized why I haven’t been writing. I am lacking a truly deep love. The kind of love that pushes you to do things you thought ladies didn’t do. The kind that has you up at 2 am in the morning crying laughing even though there’s no music, no sex, and just you and her (and neither of you really understand what the hell is so funny). The kind where attitudes last for five minutes and are quickly followed by both sides apologizing and somehow turning that sweet, gentle hug into four hours of pleasure, just in time to get ready for work.

This epiphany helped me realize just how much of my life I’m wasting right now. Party time is over. I don’t wanna play these games anymore. I’ve said it then and I’ll say it once more. I am ready.



PS.

Happy New Year. Nine has always been my favorite number. “The number 9 relating to a balanced numerological personality or cyclical timing energy is most often associated with tolerance, generosity, forgiveness, passion, creative energy, success, romance, benevolence, and a deep love of life. Nine energy flows like water and is reflective of universal love.” Get into it.

In Real Life Tho....

the only thing missing from this video is me dancing in a mirror....



and some attractive "studs(?)".