And so, it is written.

So for the last 14 days I've told myself that I'm going to post a blog. Going to post a blog. Going to post a blog. And yet, all I did was post a video. A funny video at that. Nothing thought provoking. Nothing to evoke emotion. And so, here I am now finally upholding my end of the bargain. Though I have been cursed out via text, email, phone call, and face slap (in real life tho), nothing has pushed me over the edge to write anything.

Until last night.

I got a voicemail, a voicemail I will not transcribe but will, however, explain the effects of in great detail. In this voicemail, raw news played its music for me. Things I’ve heard before but never listened/danced to for their lack of rhythm (since they were so encapsulated in anger and hate). But these words were born from the love for me one of the most loyal people I’ve ever met (at least loyal to me) has. She explained how my selfish behavior was beginning to take a toll on not only our relationship with each other but on my ability to stay constantly aware of the effects of my actions on this lifetime.

I believe this lifetime is to teach me the importance of love, honesty, integrity, and loyalty. How each of those things entwine to create a perfect love free of inhibition and full of trust. I had that love once but it is no more. Slowly dissipated because of life's trivialities. But I still believe it’s possible to love like that again. And that’s when I realized why I haven’t been writing. I am lacking a truly deep love. The kind of love that pushes you to do things you thought ladies didn’t do. The kind that has you up at 2 am in the morning crying laughing even though there’s no music, no sex, and just you and her (and neither of you really understand what the hell is so funny). The kind where attitudes last for five minutes and are quickly followed by both sides apologizing and somehow turning that sweet, gentle hug into four hours of pleasure, just in time to get ready for work.

This epiphany helped me realize just how much of my life I’m wasting right now. Party time is over. I don’t wanna play these games anymore. I’ve said it then and I’ll say it once more. I am ready.



PS.

Happy New Year. Nine has always been my favorite number. “The number 9 relating to a balanced numerological personality or cyclical timing energy is most often associated with tolerance, generosity, forgiveness, passion, creative energy, success, romance, benevolence, and a deep love of life. Nine energy flows like water and is reflective of universal love.” Get into it.